Well that wasn't
meant to happen! Here I am, back at home! What. The. Dickens.
Long story short:
Camp America was incredible, the people were out of this world and the overall
experience was phenomenal. Unfortunately I had to cut it short and miss out on
my after-camp-travels due to personal health reasons, such a shame but I'm not going to dwell on it.
Day 1:
I believe I slept
for 12 hours solid; I was at home with my family, they were no longer
tormenting themselves for not being with me, and knowing I could now crack on
and attack the situation (after a long hot shower and deep, post-camp clean of
course). I felt strong, I felt pro-active and I felt calmer.
2 Weeks Later:
Reflection Time. I
know I needed to come home, I would have regretted it if I hadn't, but it took
a lot for me to accept that and book the flight, I was determined not to be
that person. So what do I do now? By now, my heart had stopped pounding, I was
winding it in a little bit and my mind was taking a breather, but this meant
that the thoughts I'd been subsiding could now creep to the front of my
brain.
What is my life
right now?
What am I doing?
Where do I go from
here?
The way I saw it was that I had 2 options. I'm unsure as to whether
option 1 was fight or flight to be honest: "F**k it, let's pack a bag and
finish what I started, somewhere" - is this fighting to keep the adventure alive or actually just running away from decisions and responsibilities? Option
2 didn't become a serious contender for quite some time: "I've had my 2
months of fun, it's now time to settle back in" - Operation Adulting just
didn't appeal as much to me initially, but what more could I achieve from this and how far back would option 1 put me? Which would you chose?
My life on paper as
it stands is not to be sniffed at - are you ready for this? Here we go. No job,
no career, no home (of my own, my parents still love me), no car, no
dog, a degree I don't use, no felt purpose, no bloody idea what's going on....... I
thought I'd had my quarter life crisis; the decision to pack it all up and
"chase my dreams" at Camp and beyond. No, no, turns out that was just
fun! Dreaming of travels, booking flights, leaving parties, endless options.
This, right now, is the real stubborn bugger of a quarter-life-crisis. I felt
like I'd failed. It's a sinking feeling, that I may or may not have sobbed my
way through. The thing is, that colourless, useless paper review of my life
does not include all the fantastic aspects I'm so blessed to have and have
done.
The people I met at
Camp Woodstock were the most wonderful, caring and hilarious individuals I have
ever come across; they live and breathe gratitude and prioritise bettering the
lives of children over everything else, the U.K could benefit from a snippet of
that #bringsummercamptotheuk. Although my time away didn't quite go to
plan, I have had such a fantastic time and learnt so much, it's quite possibly
the best thing I've ever done. Just observing how hard they work and their lust
for fun is enough to change anyone's perspective, even Neg-Master-Generals!
Take a look at their website and Facebook page to see what I mean: http://www.campwoodstock.org/ https://www.facebook.com/YMCA-Camp-Woodstock-30862276328/
I find quite often
we're told to make 5 year plans, and think further into the future, but I'm not
sure I agree with this fully. If it's a business model then by all means it's a
no-brainer, but for our general lives, personally I would find it counteractive perhaps.
Firstly, the thought of resigning myself to 5 years of whatever it may be (a job, a city, a budget plan) is a little depressing. 5 years is a
long old time, a lot can happen and a lot can surprise you. What happens if
you've hit all of the supposed relationship milestones up until 4 and a half
years and your fiancé cheats on you? Mother F**ker. You've just spent a vast
chunk of time ticking those perceived boxes, reaching those age milestones and
now how do you feel? Like you have to "start all over again"? This
may, to some, seem pessimistic, but I see it rather differently. I don't want
to section off years of my life to fit into a plan, I would much rather do
things as I see fit at the time, take a punt on exciting avenues, be free-spirited
when it comes to relationships. Enjoy the now and surprise myself! Now, this does not mean that I am fluttering
from here to there without a care in the world or purpose to my being. Do I
work hard? Yes. Do I have goals? Yes. Do I succeed in my chosen areas? Yes, so
far so good. I just don't have tunnel vision. Time is the most precious thing,
I'd hate to wake up one day shocked by how much time has flown by with me not
taking note of all the wonderful people and places around me.
I don't know what it
is about coffee, but it's my drug of choice, I cannot and will not be negative
on coffee, it's impossible! I've necked 2 this morning, (skinny no sugar
thanks), and I'm a different woman! I'm giving money to my Big Issue man, I'm
smiling and chatting to strangers, and I'm getting excited for what's next. 5
year plans are not for me, but I am getting in the mix with a short-term one;
my "Hmm well that wasn't the plan" plan. I'm currently living back at home and I've come to the conclusion (with some help from some loved ones) that now would be a pretty sweet time for
me to give myself a chance to enjoy where I live again. I'm very fortunate to
have been brought up in Cornwall, Bude exactly, but as I moved to Bristol
visits became less and less. I understand why people move away to get better
jobs, enjoy the city life etc but I also completely get why people don't want
to leave! It's stunning! Beautiful beaches, countryside, a special, idyllic
social life (http://www.visitbude.info/). Last night for
instance, I worked at Bar 35 (https://www.facebook.com/BarThirtyFiveBude/)
in the day (chatting with the locals, playing with canine customers), then
popped up to Widemouth Manor (http://www.widemouthmanor.co.uk/)
for a drink with the lads who had been surfing all day, sat and enjoyed the
view in the sunshine, then ended the evening with a barbecue at a friend's
house. It cost hardly anything, there was no stress, it was pure contentment in
my eyes. With working non 9-5 hours, I have some day times free so instead of
just lapping up the sunshine as a Beach Bum, I'm contemplating pursuing a writing career;
something I can do from home (or wherever my Mac takes me), I can work my own
hours and it's something I enjoy!
Whatever I end up doing, I'm grateful for my
current situation, and who knows, maybe I'm meant to be doing this right now,
maybe it's meant to be :)
#sodtheplan
#embracethenow
#letsdothis
#bude
