Flirty Thirty Under 30!

Every decadal age is a milestone in it's own right; 10 is "double-figures now!", 20 is time to explore and experiment, "Life begins at 40", "50 is the new 40!" and 60+ is where you can "sit back and enjoy life". What do our thirties represent then? Stability? The settled years? I guess this is when the majority of people will get married, have children, have settled into their careers and be progressing but that doesn't mean we ought to embrace the fun stuff less does it? A lot of people say your thirties are the best decade of your life as you begin to understand who you are, what you want from life and who you want to spend your time with; you no longer waste your breath on fruitless relationships, toxic friendships or focusing on what others think about you - sounds fabulous! Maybe we should call it "Therapeutic Thirties"?

Now, I'm not nearing 30 yet, I've just turned 25 which means I have 5 years before that milestone. I love a challenge and adore lists so not only do I have a "30 Countries before 30" countdown (I'm on 21), I have now created my "30 Under 30" list whereby activities, events and experiences are to be completed before May 3rd 2021. Here it is!

1. Do a Circuits Class
2. Adopt a Dog
3. Get a Tattoo
4. Go Hiking
5. Read Classic Novels - suggestions welcomed
6. Be Self-Employed
7. Own a Car
8. Buy a Home
9. Host Christmas
10. Throw a Dinner Party
11. See more local live music
12. Explore my own City: Watershed, Mshed, @Bristol, Paintworks, the Lido, The Old Vic, Tabaco Factory, The Observatory, The Planetarium
13. NYC - live it up in New York!
14. Skinny Dip
15. Watch an Ice Hockey Game
16. Go to Bath Spa
17. Do a 10k
18. Cambridge v Oxford Boat Race - watching from the side-lines with a glass of prosecco obviously
19. Go to Wimbledon - Murray's Mound!
20. Paddle boarding
21. See Beyonce/Mumford and Sons in concert
22. See a Whale - not in the mirror
23. Go to the theatre to watch The Lion King in London
24. Spend a day at the Races
25. Buy myself a Designer/Independent Business Woman Handbag
26. Go to all the Bristol hotspots I've been meaning to go to for ever! Cori Tap, Balloon Fiesta, Bag 'O' Nails (Cat Pub), Grillstock, Lock and Wier (frozen Cider), Bump Roller Disco at Motion, Clifton Sausage,
27. Go to Longleat
28. Shake Awake - early morning rave for exercise purposes!
29. Climb Cabot Tower, Slide down the man-made-butt slide under the Observatory
30. Do the Camel Trail and Bristol to Bath cycle trail

Some of these have more than 1 aspect, but I've got 5 years so I'm confident and can't wait to get started :) Question is, where do I start???

#30under30

#30before30

#thirties

Hmm, well that wasn't part of the plan!

Well that wasn't meant to happen! Here I am, back at home! What. The. Dickens.

Long story short: Camp America was incredible, the people were out of this world and the overall experience was phenomenal. Unfortunately I had to cut it short and miss out on my after-camp-travels due to personal health reasons, such a shame but I'm not going to dwell on it. 

Day 1:

I believe I slept for 12 hours solid; I was at home with my family, they were no longer tormenting themselves for not being with me, and knowing I could now crack on and attack the situation (after a long hot shower and deep, post-camp clean of course). I felt strong, I felt pro-active and I felt calmer. 

2 Weeks Later:

Reflection Time. I know I needed to come home, I would have regretted it if I hadn't, but it took a lot for me to accept that and book the flight, I was determined not to be that person. So what do I do now? By now, my heart had stopped pounding, I was winding it in a little bit and my mind was taking a breather, but this meant that the thoughts I'd been subsiding could now creep to the front of my brain. 

What is my life right now?

What am I doing?

Where do I go from here? 

The way I saw it was that I had 2 options. I'm unsure as to whether option 1 was fight or flight to be honest: "F**k it, let's pack a bag and finish what I started, somewhere" - is this fighting to keep the adventure alive or actually just running away from decisions and responsibilities? Option 2 didn't become a serious contender for quite some time: "I've had my 2 months of fun, it's now time to settle back in" - Operation Adulting just didn't appeal as much to me initially, but what more could I achieve from this and how far back would option 1 put me? Which would you chose?

My life on paper as it stands is not to be sniffed at - are you ready for this? Here we go. No job, no career, no home (of my own, my parents still love me), no car, no dog, a degree I don't use, no felt purpose, no bloody idea what's going on....... I thought I'd had my quarter life crisis; the decision to pack it all up and "chase my dreams" at Camp and beyond. No, no, turns out that was just fun! Dreaming of travels, booking flights, leaving parties, endless options. This, right now, is the real stubborn bugger of a quarter-life-crisis. I felt like I'd failed. It's a sinking feeling, that I may or may not have sobbed my way through. The thing is, that colourless, useless paper review of my life does not include all the fantastic aspects I'm so blessed to have and have done.

The people I met at Camp Woodstock were the most wonderful, caring and hilarious individuals I have ever come across; they live and breathe gratitude and prioritise bettering the lives of children over everything else, the U.K could benefit from a snippet of that #bringsummercamptotheuk. Although my time away didn't quite go to plan, I have had such a fantastic time and learnt so much, it's quite possibly the best thing I've ever done. Just observing how hard they work and their lust for fun is enough to change anyone's perspective, even Neg-Master-Generals! Take a look at their website and Facebook page to see what I mean: http://www.campwoodstock.org/ https://www.facebook.com/YMCA-Camp-Woodstock-30862276328/

I find quite often we're told to make 5 year plans, and think further into the future, but I'm not sure I agree with this fully. If it's a business model then by all means it's a no-brainer, but for our general lives, personally I would find it counteractive perhaps. Firstly, the thought of resigning myself to 5 years of whatever it may be (a job, a city, a budget plan) is a little depressing. 5 years is a long old time, a lot can happen and a lot can surprise you. What happens if you've hit all of the supposed relationship milestones up until 4 and a half years and your fiancé cheats on you? Mother F**ker. You've just spent a vast chunk of time ticking those perceived boxes, reaching those age milestones and now how do you feel? Like you have to "start all over again"? This may, to some, seem pessimistic, but I see it rather differently. I don't want to section off years of my life to fit into a plan, I would much rather do things as I see fit at the time, take a punt on exciting avenues, be free-spirited when it comes to relationships. Enjoy the now and surprise myself! Now, this does not mean that I am fluttering from here to there without a care in the world or purpose to my being. Do I work hard? Yes. Do I have goals? Yes. Do I succeed in my chosen areas? Yes, so far so good. I just don't have tunnel vision. Time is the most precious thing, I'd hate to wake up one day shocked by how much time has flown by with me not taking note of all the wonderful people and places around me.

I don't know what it is about coffee, but it's my drug of choice, I cannot and will not be negative on coffee, it's impossible! I've necked 2 this morning, (skinny no sugar thanks), and I'm a different woman! I'm giving money to my Big Issue man, I'm smiling and chatting to strangers, and I'm getting excited for what's next. 5 year plans are not for me, but I am getting in the mix with a short-term one; my "Hmm well that wasn't the plan" plan. I'm currently living back at home and I've come to the conclusion (with some help from some loved ones) that now would be a pretty sweet time for me to give myself a chance to enjoy where I live again. I'm very fortunate to have been brought up in Cornwall, Bude exactly, but as I moved to Bristol visits became less and less. I understand why people move away to get better jobs, enjoy the city life etc but I also completely get why people don't want to leave! It's stunning! Beautiful beaches, countryside, a special, idyllic social life (http://www.visitbude.info/). Last night for instance, I worked at Bar 35 (https://www.facebook.com/BarThirtyFiveBude/) in the day (chatting with the locals, playing with canine customers), then popped up to Widemouth Manor (http://www.widemouthmanor.co.uk/) for a drink with the lads who had been surfing all day, sat and enjoyed the view in the sunshine, then ended the evening with a barbecue at a friend's house. It cost hardly anything, there was no stress, it was pure contentment in my eyes. With working non 9-5 hours, I have some day times free so instead of just lapping up the sunshine as a Beach Bum, I'm contemplating pursuing a writing career; something I can do from home (or wherever my Mac takes me), I can work my own hours and it's something I enjoy! 

Whatever I end up doing, I'm grateful for my current situation, and who knows, maybe I'm meant to be doing this right now, maybe it's meant to be :)

#sodtheplan

#embracethenow

#letsdothis

#bude

The Best Dreams Happen When You're Awake

Life, as I now know it, is different. April was my final month as a Yellow Monkey, final month in Bristol and final month of "normality". As of the 1st of May, I have now moved back home for my pre-camp preparations! It's a massive alteration that I'm not quite sure I'm ready for if I'm honest. I am now technically unemployed, without a day to day purpose, in a place whereby, albeit beautiful, bars, cafes, clubs, shops and public transport are few and far between. Some of my closest friends are now hundreds of miles away and now exist only in the 2D realm of communication and social media, not "down the road".

To some people this may seem petrifying and somewhat a stupid thing to do as I was so happy in Bristol, but Quarter-Life-Crises are no joke. I know I was lucky enough to have a wonderful set up, with a great job in an awesome company, fantastic friends and the city lifestyle I loved, but Bristol is but one place in the entire world. I am so very excited about the memories to come in places I have never been, with people I haven't even met yet.

Some people have said, "it's alright for some!" which makes me feel I should justify myself. Now, I have worked bloody hard for many years, saving wherever possible and building a reputation whereby I believe I would be welcomed back into my company. I haven't spent my money on cars, expensive holidays or designer goods; I have, and always will, spend my money on memories. I haven't whinged and moaned about my job whilst doing the bare minimum, I have put in 110% since day one in order to hit bonus' and get promotions. So they're right, it is alright for some, it's alright for the people who work hard and deserve to live the life they dream of.

Some people dream of owning their own home. When they achieve it and post the obligatory photo of them with their new keys outside their front door, I don't think I've ever seen a comment saying "it's alright for some!" Everyone knows that they've had to scrimp and save for months if not years to pull together the deposit. It's the same for travelling the world. I wasn't given a plane ticket, thousands weren't just dropped into my bank account, I had to earn it. The difference between the genuine happiness for a new couple buying their first family home and someone setting off on their travels is that some people haven't got the bottle (I wanted to say "balls" but let's be gender neutral) to go and do it themselves. So, instead of a thumbs up and pat on the back, you get a sense of guilt flung upon you from people who would rather you stayed put, in your "proper job" and settled down. 

Life for me isn't something you get too many chances at, I don't want to waste mine wishing I'd done more, seen more, and regretting not saying "yes" more. Everyday is the chance to make a new memory, meet a new friend, fall in love with a new hobby, whatever it is that makes you smile.

#thebestdreamshappenwhenyoureawake

Living Life in Abundance!

April was my last month in Bristol for a while (cue violins please), so a massive priority for me was to make the most of everything it had to offer. My other April Aim was to smash all my goals at work and leave Yellow Monkey on a high. Here's how it went:

Bristol Baller

I have definitely torn up Bristol this month! I have had so much fun and enjoyed every minute of it. Some of the things I have got up to are: a lovely picnic on Clifton Downs after work with my colleague, a trip to Ashton Court on a sunny Sunday, a couple of local pub quiz', watching Bath V Saracens at The Recreation Ground, taking a wonder around Snuff Mills (a beautiful wooded walk along the River Frome) and ending up in the Farm Pub. These were all things I hadn't done before, but I've also been making the effort to go out on nights out more often - every Friday and Saturday to be precise! I have been to bars, pubs, restaurants and clubs I wouldn't normally have gone to, with people I don't always see. It's been a wonderful month and I 100% believe that Bristol is the best city to live in in the UK. See for yourself! http://visitbristol.co.uk/

Monkey Magic!

Yellow Monkey has been a massive roller-coaster for me; I've had incredible highs of winning awards, travelling around Europe and making friendships that will last a lifetime. I've also, however, had less euphoric times whereby I felt stale and merely average within my role. I knew Yellow Monkey was coming to an end for me so I made the conscious decision to smash everything I did and leave with pride in myself and what I had accomplished. The last few weeks have therefore been absolutely incredible. I have hit PB's, been mentioned on Conference Calls, been acknowledged for many things as well as helping other offices and taking on extra work. The reason I did so well, I believe, is just because I was enjoying everything! I put 100% into everyday but also had a blast! Success, accomplishment and happiness really is all in your own mind; nothing had changed within my role, I just chose to be better and feel better.

So April is over, and May is upon us. What a lovely, lovely month May is. It's hopeful in it's name alone, and, usually, brings us the sunshine.

I'm lucky enough to be spending this month at home, in Cornwall, in the countryside and by the seaside. Even though I'm not working, I am still setting myself goals:

• British Heart Foundation are announcing their "MyMarathon" challenge! I think it's genius. The aim is to complete a marathon (26.2 miles) within the month of May, not all at once, bit by bit. What a great way to get people moving, especially little and often! https://mymarathon.bhf.org.uk/about/
• My family have recently adopted a beautiful Lurcher from the Dogs Trust. Her name is Bella and her name says it all, she is the most gentile, sweet and loving girl I have ever met, butttttt she could do with a little bit of training. So, throughout May, I will be teaching her how to behave on the lead and how to react around cars

• For near on 6 years now I have lived in Bristol and popped back home for holidays and the odd weekends only, so I haven't really spent any quality time with my family. I have a baby cousin I haven't even met, cousins getting married and elderly family members I would definitely like to see more of so I plan so make the most of them while I'm home
• I also, obviously, need to prepare for Camp, so I'm going to get all those To-Do List boxes ticked, as well as mentally and physically psych myself up for what I'm about to embark upon!

Hopefully I'll catch a tan as well so I won't look like a complete Brit Abroad in Conneticut!

#maymotivation

Wam Bam Thank You March!

What a month! There have been highs, and there have definitely been lows, but I have come out of the other end smiling, laughing even.

The plan was to conquer my Life Admin list, strengthen my ankle and experience Bristol. Here's how it went:

Get a big ol' chunk of Life-Admin ticked off the L-Admin List

This, by all accounts, went well. I have processed my Criminal record Application, been ticked off by the Doctor for Camp America, remembered 2 Birthdays, paid for Camp, and watched all my training videos. But, as always, a person's To-Do List is never-ending. I still need to contact Sky and extend the wifi into my bedroom (however, I'm actually quite enjoying not having any, after all, the boudoir is for sleeping, not Netflix ;)

Follow the doctors orders and start strengthening my ankle - ease myself back into exercise

I started strong, did those exercises, went for a few short jogs to test the water, started running to the gym in the mornings, all was going extremely well! Then Sunday FUNday hit; I hadn't gone out the night before so wanted to make the most of the day, it was beautiful! I'd done all my chores so decided to go for a non-specific run. I just wanted to start running, head to the Downs in Clifton and see what happened. It was brilliant. I hit a PB of 5 miles, without stopping, saw some beautiful scenery, cleared my mind, and my ankle stood strong, so I was very proud. I then however, continued my journey home via a detour; a 1 hour stroll in my running gear and chilly winds whilst catching up with family members and friends on the phone. I was so proud I wanted to tell my loved ones and pass on the good feeling, but this was my down fall. I rested my ankle when I got home, had a long hot bath and went to bed, sleep did not happen though. From Sunday evening until Thursday evening I did not move, the flu had hit. The majority of that week is a blur of hallucinations, hot sweats, crying and Lemsip. On the plus side, my ankle would have definitely got the rest it needed!

Enjoy Bristol for everything it has to offer! I want to do/see at least 3 things I haven't experienced before

Running helped me with this one; I went on quite a few runs to different places in the sunshine, just exploring beautiful Bristol. I also, spent an entire day with my best friend and her 2 lush Rough Collies, walking around Clifton, Whiteladies Road and the Downs, stopping off in coffee shops, bars, grabbing some fish & chips and admiring the Suspension Bridge. 

So, there was this date. This unbelieeeeeevable date....

Another of my memorable Saturdays was when I saw 3 groups of friends, had cocktails in Browns, watched the Six Nations in a pub, continued the crawl to pubs I wouldn't have thought to go to and finished the frenzy in a curry house! I've always heard of it being a good idea for after a night out, lads on tour style, and it was bloody lovely! Sorted me out good and proper!

I've been having some great date nights with my friends, not my dates..... (that's another blog by itself!) One evening after work, my house mate called me, super excited as usual, announcing that we were going on a Thursday night extravaganza. Now, all 3 girls in our flat are country bumpkins; we love the countryside, seaside, outdoorsy activities, we're definitely not the type to go for manicures and buy designer. So our evening consisted of taking our adopted dog Fern to Ashton Court, through the woods and around the grounds, then ending up in my favourite Bristol pub, The White Lion for some drinks and dinner. My perfect school night!

April Aims:

• Living April in Abundance! I have 1 month left in Bristol - time to make some memories! On the Bristol Bucket List so far is: picnic, barbeque, Shake Awake (a rave from 6:30am - 9:00am on a Friday morning before work), the Bath to Bristol cycle trail, pub quiz, The Farm (a farm with a pub), go and see a Bath Rugby game, go to Snuff Mills and Leigh Woods.

    

• Smash all my goals at work and leave Yellow Monkey on a high!

     #livingaprilinabundance

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I save my carbs for wine. It's called having priorities.

Wow it’s tough being a 24 year old! The pressures are coming from all angles it seems! Not only am I trying to build a good reputation for myself at work, I’m trying to lose weight, look great, have fun, be “cool”, make memories, save money, be a good friend, make my family proud all while subliminally drawing in on my future husband and children! There is far too much to do and be and I’m not sure I want to keep up anymore. It’s actually okay to just be me, not an Instagram model with the perfect job, finances and lifestyle. I’m not saying we shouldn’t strive to be the best possible version of ourselves, we definitely should, but it is more than okay to get there step by step and f**k up every once in a while.

There is no such thing as a chilled night in anymore; to be completely and utterly content to do nothing but nothing. Even if I am sprawled out on the sofa indulging in my 5^th episode of  “Person of Interest” (my new series by the way), there will still be a point where I grab my phone and enhance my online “personality”. A quote, a photo, an article, a blog, a thoughtful comment on a friend’s post; there is an incessant need to remind our audience of the type of person we are/want to be seen as. When in actual fact, when was the last time I was that nice to them in person? Hmmm maybe I should work on my “be a good friend” goal.

As a whole, variation is key. The key to a happy, balanced life. Some days it’s good to work overtime, some days you should skip after work drinks and go for a run, and sometimes you need to go and have a massive blow out with your friends and feel terrible for 2 days solid. I believe we should all have a short-term focus, something we feel is our priority currently, but the odd detour will never do you any harm. Turn off your GPS for a moment and just go wherever the wind takes you, and if it goes tits up, at least it’s a funny story! Take this weekend for example: Friday – I accidentally got smashed from “1 drink with the team”, skipped dinner and stumbled home to roll on the floor with our dog guest. Saturday – I was a fragile mess all day, saw daylight for 10 minutes and made a firm Ellie shaped dent in our sofa. I also turned down two pub invitations and enjoyed the Six Nations Super Saturday by myself where I could voice my opinion and not have a lairy, clearly-never-played-rugby-in-his-life meat head try and tell me to sit down. Honestly, I dare you. Sunday – I popped a joint in the slow cooker, went for a 5 mile run in the sunshine and smashed my Life-Admin list. That to me, was a near on perfect weekend for my well being, a bit of this, a bit of that, but they don’t always pan out like that do they? In fact, this weekend was definitely a fluke.

I think it’s necessary to know that certain things are more important at certain times. For instance, for a recent graduate in their first corporate role it should be their priority to work hard, stand out and progress. For a recent singleton it’s vital they have fun, reunite with friends and build their confidence as an independent person again. At the moment, for me, it’s important that I make the most of Bristol, with 6 weeks left, 6 Thirsty Thursdays, 6 Free-Style Fridays and 6 Sunday Fundays, I need to make the most of each one! This does not mean I plan to be sloshed for the next 6 weeks, it means I want to spend time with all my friends, explore Bristol, let loose on a Friday and take in what Bristol has to offer. My one and only fear in life is that of Regret. I never want to say “I wish I’d done ……” or “I really regret not saying…..”

I guess the point I’m trying to make is, you cannot be everything, to everyone all of the time, and that’s okay, honestly. Chose a focus, nail the sh*t out of it and move on. We have to mix up our priorities else we’ll get bored. But remember, no story worth listening to started with “So this one night I stayed in…….”

"The Root of Joy is Gratefulness"

Hello March, nice to see the spring in your step! But excuse me for one moment, where on earth did February go??? If realising a quarter of 2016 has nearly passed wasn't enough, I was shocked into the discovery I've only got 6 weeks left at my job! It really is so important that we cherish everyday, and every person we consider to be a part of it. Days fly by; how many times have you said "how is it Monday again tomorrow?" I don't want to get soppy on you, but I never want to think I could have done more or said more to make somebody feel better, loved or special. I'll be the first to admit that I am terrible at texting; I read a text, register it, reply in my head then forget all about it. BUT I will always say "I love you" on a phone call, write a thoughtful message in a card, be grateful for anything anyone does for me and smile at strangers in the street. So, for February, I'd like to think about Gratitude, not just Love. What could you be more overtly grateful for?

So, February's action points were to: Conquer my Stranger Danger, Cook Actual Food and Finish "Pretty Little Liars".


Conquering Stranger Danger:

Now I won't go into details, but I'm very happy to say I apparently no longer give off a lesbian vibe to all men! I am accepting drinks, phone numbers and dates! I'm only here for a few more months so I am not looking for my next Bubba-Ting, but there is no harm in having some fun, meeting new people and accumulating some stories to tell! I LOVE meeting new people, so if I can do that whilst ticking off my Bucket List of Bristol, I'm in a win-win situation!


Cook actual food:

I'm getting there. I've baked 1 banana bread, shopped at the local grocer and made yoghurt compot for breakfast everyday. What I'm struggling with is weekday dinners; I am STARVING when I get in and really don't fancy an hour of prep, nor do I look forward to a poxy salad or stir-fry! I want quick, and I want tasty. If anyone has any suggestions please hit me up.


Finish "Pretty Little Liars":

By Jesus I did it. I'm up to date, I know who "A" is, I can now sleep at night. Ow wait, what's this? Another series is being released next week!?!!!? That's it, I'm done. I'm more than happy with the way it's ended up to now, to me it's over. 

Right March! Come at me! This month I will:

Get a big ol' chunk of Life Admin ticked off the L-Admin list
Follow the doctors orders and start strengthening my ankle - ease myself back into exercise
Enjoy Bristol for everything it has to offer! I want to do/see at least 3 things I haven't experienced before

Well, March is set to be a very productive and fun-filled month! Let me at em! #teamtrouble

If Nothing Ever Changed There'd Be No Butterflies

We all know the sayings "Everything good has to come to an end" and "Nothing lasts forever", but are we actually that bothered? If nothing changed we'd get bored, if things didn't finish we would never have that fresh excitement for what's next! I am 100% a comfort zone junkie; what was once anxiety of the unknown is now an adrenaline for possibilities. Not only do I love to tick things off my Bucket List, I love to be kept on my toes. 

There is always that pang of pain when something you love is no more, whether it's a dwindling friendship, tenancy of a beautiful flat or a sandwich. Being logical is what keeps me so positive; I know that time is the best medicine and that one day these incidents will become memories or advice to pass on. I quite often say to people, "In 3 weeks time, it will be a funny story", because it will. Tearing yourself down and bringing others down with you will only waste your time and make you feel worse. The way I see it, is, in the grand scheme of things, it's just my turn to be having a bad day/sh*t time. Embrace it, learn from it and let it make you better. Only the fittest survive, so evolve, make sure your Darwin game is strong.

I know it's easier said than done, but your brain is a muscle, you need to train it. Anytime something makes me feel uneasy, I instantly break it down: What has actually happened? How much is this going to affect me? What can I do to make it better? Boom, logic.

I'm soon to be leaving my job, company, and what has become a wonderful family unit, to set off on my travels. It was not an easy decision and I am seriously dreading my last day; I will ball like a baby for sure. But I know if I don't leave now I would probably never take the plunge, I currently have no commitments and nothing holding me back so it's now or never!

Now, I'm not saying that everything will disintegrate, some things do last forever, those special friendships for instance. See photo below for an example of a 22 year long friendship, still as strong as the days of writing 3 page holiday lists, sneaking Mars Bar ice creams and begging anybody to play Monopoly with us. Now, however, our passions have shifted to a love of Channing Tatum and watching rugby in the pub with Prosecco. 

I like to think things happen for a reason, albeit positive or not so. Just let it be and make the most of it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHs98TEYecM

What on earth is this? Am I having a Quarter-Life Crisis?

The first quarter century of my life has very nearly come and gone.  This, with all honesty, terrifies me; that may seem drastic, but it does. Yes I have achieved and experienced wicked things, but my vision of me at 25 is a lot different to the reality. I am letting down my imaginary 25 year-old self. Where is my ridiculously long list of hilarious and unbelievable travelling stories? Where is my adoring and perfect fiancé alongside my beautiful left hand, second finger from the left vintage ring? I was meant to be having a baby next year according to my 18 year old self (that was 7 years ago, how is that even possible?!?!?!)

There is too much pressure to have this, do this, be this and conduct it all perfectly, when in actual fact I’m not somebody who longs for the perfect husband, ring, house and baby – that isn’t the type of person or story I want to own. This was just my perception of an adult, where I “should” be by my age. Excuse me if I’m wrong but once you have all of that, what’s next for you? Do you sit back and relax knowing you’ve achieved what you set out to achieve? I think I’d be fidgety.

The idea that every day on this planet is an exchange, something you can’t reclaim, no backsies, is a bit of an eye-opener when 5 out of 7 days a week I get up, go to the gym, work for 10 hours, pop into Sainsburys, eat whilst catching up on Netflix then crash. This isn’t lighting anyone’s world on fire. Yes I arrange mid-week meals with friends, netball matches and drinks but I end up clock-watching wanting to be in bed because I’m shattered!

I understand when the older generation say things like “Cor, we never had the option to travel the world! You left school and you worked”. But we do have the option, we have too many options and that’s an incredible privilege. If anything, I’m not annoyed the time has flown by, I’m annoyed at myself for holding back and not making the most of it. This is the one life I’ve got, why the hell am I spending the majority of it in the bottom half of the 78^th largest country in the world? I am seriously limiting my opportunities, knowledge and possibilities. I don’t want to hear other people tell me how amazing that place is, or what an awesome experience that day was. I want to own it, and be reminiscing myself.

The truth is, these last 7 years have passed by seamlessly, and the next 7 will do exactly the same, I might as well make these the best yet.

I don’t know what the light bulb moment was for me, I think I just took a step back one day, looked at my situation and realised my dreams weren’t going to just appear in my life story unless I went out and got them; physically changed my current circumstances and direction. There will always be certain people that have the biggest impact on you for different reasons. Mine are my Mum for her sheer strength and “life wisdom”, my Dad for his work ethic and utter loveableness (there is not one person who does not adore him), and Fran, a lady I work with, for showing me that nothing is a problem, why are you worrying, just smile and wave. But the people that have inspired my recent “movement” are my Uncle Iv for his go-get-it, the world is your oyster, example and Jo, my new housemate, for the different country I hear about every day!

I am so excited for what’s next; I’ve been placed at Camp Woodstock in Conneticut, www.campwoodstock.org , for the summer and I don’t plan on coming back for a while after that. I don’t know where I’ll go or who with yet, but I know it’s going to be the best thing I’ve done yet and I wont regret it.

Here’s to not knowing!

New Month, New You

So, January 2016 has apparently already happened? How on earth that's possible I do not know.

My January plan was Project Ellie; start the year as I mean to go on, increase my productivity at work, cut down my commute by running to the gym (with a backpack), start dating and seal the deal with a Camp to spend my summer in the states! Let me tell you how it all went......

1.      Increase my productivity at work. What I've realised is it's not what you're doing, it's how you feel when you're doing it. Enjoying what you do, having a smile on your face and taking any bullsh*t at face value results in less procrastinating, and more ticks on your To-Do List. Whether it was the wind-down to Christmas or the build-up of that horrendous killer-cold the entire country seemed to attain, I definitely did not feel myself at the end of 2015 and therefore my results reflected that. I claimed boredom, where in actual fact I was just stale; how many of us review our duties, roles, daily tasks and whether they are even worth while? I was doing the same activities day in, day out for 2 and a half years, with the same results week in, week out. Light bulb moment! You are in charge of your role, you were hired to perform your role the best way you can; your job will only take you as far as you push it. Unless you change, implement and improve you are going nowhere.#justsaying Not only have my results shot up, I feel as if I've shot up! I am fresh, intrigued and challenged – if you do not learn something everyday, you have not improved.

2.    Cut down my commute. I was walking to the gym (25 minutes), then doing cardio in the gym (25 minutes) – it may have taken me 6 months to realise this, but this makes no sense. I have now invested in a running backpack, I run to the gym and therefore my cardio is romeo done before I've even set eyes on a meat head in a vest. This shockingly saves me 30 minutes daily, 30 minutes well spent in bed. Warning for other Backpack embracers, make sure the zips are done up at the sides, not at the top. Unfortunately for me, and a certain gentleman, I was running along (day 4), when something didn't feel right. I checked over my shoulder to see my bag flapping with each pound. About 50 metres up the road I caught up with this gentleman who politely handed me my heels (for work), bra and knickers that he had kindly picked up from a puddle. No dramas, thank you very much, very glad it was 6:30am and not 5:00pm rush hour, however, putting on my clean yet sodden knickers after my gym shower was not pleasant. Lesson learned.

3.    Start Dating. Let's not go there. Swiping right doesn't count no? We all know February is the month of love anyway. I'm good

4.      Seal the deal with a camp to spend my Summer in the States. Now this one I've nailed if I do say so myself. Personal statement TICK, Qualifications TICK, Work Experience TICK, Camp Questions TICK, Photos TICK, Interview TICK, be placed at the Camp Recruitment Fair in London TICK TICK TICK! Camp Woodstock here I come! Stress over, now I can get excited!

I guess the point of this blog is to acknowledge this months success' but also give myself a break for the pointers I didn't achieve. Goals are great. They focus us, let us dream, set us into action and make sure we are moving forward, but I will not beat myself up about not being the Superwoman I long to be. I am one person, with one full-on, lifestyle changing career, massive goals, high expectations and many people to care and think about. I will do my utmost, but if I didn't meet my Dating KPI's this month it's not the end of the world. Men can wait, my self-development and memories can't. Competence build Confidence kids!

#allthesingleladies

As for February.......

·         Embrace my Stranger Danger! I work in recruitment for God's sake, I should definitely be more than happy to meet strange men (not strange strange men, just men I don't know, yet) in a non-interview setting. The plan is to let the kind gentleman at the bar buy me a drink, take that tinder “romance” to a 3D level, and let that friend set me up with “the nicest guy ever”. Which ever it is, my answer in February is “yes”!

·         Cook actual food. Yes it's for one, but I need more variety than wraps and pasta. I'm so bored of pesto I sometimes don't even bother with dinner in the PM – Malteser bunnies and Fruit Pastilles do the job just fine.

·         Finish PLL (Pretty Little Liars). Jees those girls can drag on a murder mystery. With Aria, her stubby fingers and her uncomfortable-to-watch relationship with her teacher, Hannah and her annoying blonde, no-manners attitude, Emily and her wet-fish, slutty instances, and Spencer, well she's just a legend. Just tell me who A is already! If I'm honest, I'm glad Ali is dead, she was a horrendous person, but still.