The first quarter century of my life has very nearly come
and gone. This, with all honesty, terrifies
me; that may seem drastic, but it does. Yes I have achieved and experienced
wicked things, but my vision of me at 25 is a lot different to the reality. I
am letting down my imaginary 25 year-old self. Where is my ridiculously long
list of hilarious and unbelievable travelling stories? Where is my adoring and
perfect fiancé alongside my beautiful left hand, second finger from the left
vintage ring? I was meant to be having a baby next year according to my 18 year
old self (that was 7 years ago, how is that even possible?!?!?!)
There is too much pressure to have this, do this, be this
and conduct it all perfectly, when in actual fact I’m not somebody who longs
for the perfect husband, ring, house and baby – that isn’t the type of person
or story I want to own. This was just my perception of an adult, where I
“should” be by my age. Excuse me if I’m wrong but once you have all of that,
what’s next for you? Do you sit back and relax knowing you’ve achieved what you
set out to achieve? I think I’d be fidgety.
The idea that every day on this planet is an exchange,
something you can’t reclaim, no backsies, is a bit of an eye-opener when 5 out
of 7 days a week I get up, go to the gym, work for 10 hours, pop into
Sainsburys, eat whilst catching up on Netflix then crash. This isn’t lighting
anyone’s world on fire. Yes I arrange mid-week meals with friends, netball
matches and drinks but I end up clock-watching wanting to be in bed because I’m
shattered!
I understand when the older generation say things like “Cor,
we never had the option to travel the world! You left school and you worked”.
But we do have the option, we have too many options and that’s an incredible
privilege. If anything, I’m not annoyed the time has flown by, I’m annoyed at
myself for holding back and not making the most of it. This is the one life
I’ve got, why the hell am I spending the majority of it in the bottom half of
the 78th largest country in the world? I am seriously limiting my
opportunities, knowledge and possibilities. I don’t want to hear other people
tell me how amazing that place is, or what an awesome experience that day was.
I want to own it, and be reminiscing myself.
The truth is, these last 7 years have passed by seamlessly,
and the next 7 will do exactly the same, I might as well make these the best
yet.
I don’t know what the light bulb moment was for me, I think
I just took a step back one day, looked at my situation and realised my dreams
weren’t going to just appear in my life story unless I went out and got them;
physically changed my current circumstances and direction. There will always be
certain people that have the biggest impact on you for different reasons. Mine
are my Mum for her sheer strength and “life wisdom”, my Dad for his work ethic
and utter loveableness (there is not one person who does not adore him), and
Fran, a lady I work with, for showing me that nothing is a problem, why are you
worrying, just smile and wave. But the people that have inspired my recent “movement”
are my Uncle Iv for his go-get-it, the world is your oyster, example and Jo, my
new housemate, for the different country I hear about every day!
I am so excited for what’s next; I’ve been placed at Camp Woodstock
in Conneticut, www.campwoodstock.org
, for the summer and I don’t plan on coming back for a while after that. I
don’t know where I’ll go or who with yet, but I know it’s going to be the best
thing I’ve done yet and I wont regret it.
